Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
We have started to decorate penises.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
