Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
