The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
