I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
That was before I lit my hair on fire
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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