He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
