I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
im holly from the hills drunk
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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