Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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