Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Operation Purity has been aborted
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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