I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
