You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
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