Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
