i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
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i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever