if you like me you must not know who I am
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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