We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
