hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.