sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
