You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
