@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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