You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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