I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
