He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
