At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
