i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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