Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
