I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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