I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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