Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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