I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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