Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
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