I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
