My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
