The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
