You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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