C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
