I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
