brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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