That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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