True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
