Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
