matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
