I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
