New invention idea: vibrating tampons
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
