defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
