I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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