Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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