Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
