You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
