I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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