well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
