Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
