Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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