I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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