I'd wear matching sweaters with you
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
