anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
