i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
