Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
