i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
