try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
