Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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