how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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