you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize