the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
