where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
