White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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