Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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