I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Randomize
