so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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