I can feel you judging me through the phone.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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