Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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