before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
