The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
